


Moulin Rouge !

by yourshadow (sinistra_blache)



Series: Movie Night [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Moulin Rouge! (2001)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Gen, The Doctor and the Master are bad at watching movies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-12
Updated: 2012-01-12
Packaged: 2017-10-29 10:14:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/318793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinistra_blache/pseuds/yourshadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the Master and the Doctor watch a Baz Luhrman movie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Moulin Rouge !

**Author's Note:**

> This is written based on the idea that the Master, after the Year That Never Was, came to travel with the Doctor and be 'kept'. I assume they would pass the time somehow.

  
_There was a boy;_  
A very strange, enchanted boy.  
They say he wandered very far,  
Very far, over land and sea.  
A little shy and sad of eye  
But very wise was he.

_And then one day,_  
A magic day, he passed my way.  
And while we spoke of many things,  
Fools and kings,  
This he said to me:

_"The greatest thing you'll ever learn  
Is just to love  
And be loved in return."_

"I hate this movie," the Master said. The Doctor looked at him sideways, but didn't answer him. "It's ridiculous. It's cartoony. It's blatant plagiarism. And once you get past all that, if you get past all that, then there's the songs chosen; all crap. Well, nearly all." He took a breath to keep going and the Doctor jumped at the opportunity to stop him.

"The only reason why you don't like this movie is because it makes you feel," he said simply, not taking his eyes from the screen.

The Master's jaw twitched. "No. The reason why I hate this movie is because it's not good."

"You would hate something just because it isn't good?" the Doctor couldn't help a small smile. So like the Master to use extreme absolutes. There was silence from him for a while. He was clearly thinking of something to say. On screen, Ewan McGregor blasted through 'the Hills are alive' with gusto, sending all the other characters reeling and speechless.

"Fine," the Master finally answered. "Maybe it's not hate exactly, but I really don't like it."

"Because it makes you feel," the Doctor didn't miss a beat.

"I don't need some overly romantic human tripe to make me feel, Doctor. You do," neither did the Master.

Silence. Kylie Minogue was masquerading as a green, narcotic induced fairy before them. The film was playing loud enough to ignore the silence, of course, but the Doctor still felt a little uncomfortable after the Master's little outburst. What did he mean by that? Of course he didn't need this movie to make him feel. If anything, it took his mind off feeling for a while. Come to think of it, he didn't really have a reason to put it on. Okay, well, maybe he did. Maybe he wanted to see how the Master reacted. He didn't know why he was surprised by the instant complaining it caused, but he was. It was a good film!

As if agreeing with this thought, the screen flickered to show Jim Broadbent dancing badly beside all those glittered up girls. The Doctor smiled automatically.

"You're not even going to disagree with me, are you?" the Master said, his skin reflecting the reds and oranges of the movie. The Doctor still regarded him sideways. He didn't really want to take his eyes off the screen. "You're just going to sit there, grinning like a moron, and wait until...oh, nevermind." The Master 'hmph'ed as the Doctor turned to watch Nicole Kidman descend on a silver swing.

"Just look at that, though!" he cried, gesturing madly. "It's brilliant! All the colors just disappear. All except for her lipstick. All black and white, all but her. It's genius, that imagery. How can you say it's cartoony?"

"Because cartoons use that type of imagery all the time."

"No, they don't."

"Who Framed Roger Rabbit," the Master answered smugly.

The Doctor didn't answer.

"Hah."

"Since when do you care enough about Earth culture to watch Who Framed Roger Rabbit, anyway?" the Doctor countered belatedly. He was answered by a shrug.

McGregor and Kidman were in the elephant now. The Master let out a low chuckle as he watched her throw herself across the room in feigned arousal, but his face fell at the line 'my gift is my song'. The music swelled and the Master shrank back into his seat. He didn't even watch the dancing. The Doctor raised his eyebrow at him.

"Really, though. Why do you dislike this movie so much?"

"Because it's lies. Beyond lies. It's a pathetic waste of talent to enforce the eternal lie that 'love'," he made a face, "is what makes life better. But it doesn't. Love, if that's really what you want to call it in this film, is the invisible villain. If Christian hadn't met Toulouse what would have happened? He would have gotten drunk a couple of times, wrote a bunch of bad poems and died alone. Oh, boohoo. But since he did, he ended up 'falling in love' with a whore and getting his heart ripped out when she a) betrayed his trust and b) died."

The Doctor blinked.

"If Satine hadn't met Christian, what would have happened? Go on, Doctor. Tell me. What would have happened?"

"Well..." the Doctor started, thinking about his words. Not that they mattered, as the Master interrupted him almost instantly.

"I'll tell you. She'd have screwed the Duke, he'd have invested and she'd have run away to become an actress. Wasn't that her dream in the first place? Then some starry eyed writer turns up, mistakes lust for love and convinces her that his dream is more important that hers. Tell me where that's romantic. Tell me where that's fair."

The Master's eyes flashed at the Doctor for a fleeting moment. For that moment, his face contorted into a horrible, hurt and angry mask before shifting back to his usual bland, quiet hatred. The Doctor considered what this might have meant. He weighed his words.

"Christian would have died alone and friendless. That's no way to go," he tried to keep his voice soothing, verbally stepping slowly towards the raving madman with open arms. "And who's to say that Satine would have become an actress? Wouldn't Zidler have just given her away to the Duke for a high price? Isn't it better to have experienced the love they had and..." the Doctor trailed off when he saw the look on the Master's face.

"Don't you dare end that with 'lost'," he said dangerously.

The Doctor realised very slowly that there was no way to win this argument gracefully, if at all. If he agreed with the Master, then he'd been accused of placating him. Which he would be. If he continued to argue his point, then he'd be accused of being a hopeless romantic and ridiculed. Which he wasn't in the mood for. If he shut up, then the Master would assume that he considered the argument moot or that he wasn't listening to him. There was no way out. Unless...

"Fine. What do you want to watch, then?"

The Master perked up. "Reservoir Dogs."


End file.
